Thank you for providing clues to this quest of life, and for giving me the ability to be aware, and receive these gifts of awareness. Awareness of self and awareness of others.
I am sorry it has taken me so long to still my mind, and quiet my thoughts enough to be grateful for the gifts that have been given to me. Thank you for your patience with me. I believe I have something to learn right now, and I know that I don’t know something.
I need your help.
People keep suggesting to me that I should meditate. That I need to quiet my mind, and that I should sit still. That I be okay with being alone, and that the thoughts in my head are some of the most beautiful pieces of music of all, I just need to be okay with sitting in the silence.
You see the problem, Universe, is that once I have sat for 10 minutes, I forget that I’m “meditating” and I just get up and make myself tea, or I get distracted. Then I feel embarrassed and get down on myself and don’t understand WHY I can’t do this…
A good friend just told me that she has the same problem, so she “meditates” while walking in the woods. So then… without being frustrated with myself, why does it feel like I’m trying too hard? Why can’t I sit still and just be okay with being? Why do I think so much?
Pille Bunnell suggests that
““irrational” action is rational if I take into account the odd human niche of living in language.”
So does this give me permission to live irrationally?
Why am I so overwhelmed by language? Why am I so worried about saying the wrong thing? Why is it so much easier for me to express myself if I am physically there with someone, and why is it empowering to “influence others.”
AND, why are other people overwhelmed by my energy, my enthusiasm?
We modify what we say and what we do by what we “grasp” based on past experiences.
I fear that what I express, what I portray and how I show up to other people is overwhelming for them because of their own past, of which I cannot change, and have no influence over. And truly the reason I show up the way I do is because I am so excited, and I live in possibility, and I see that possibility and opportunity in others… is this wrong?
Tell me Universe, what do I need to know, do, be?
It’s interesting how we express information, at first it is general, and people can accept this invitation, they are just as excited as me, and open. Then once more information is provided, and it becomes more complex, that person gets overwhelmed, and backs off, or creates an opinion of that experience then chooses to or not to partake.
Maybe these people in my world are “Systemic Thinkers.” Bunnell explains that “Systemic thinking is generative.” A level of coherency that exists among multiple dimensions. Although it seems linear to me, it allows serendipitous moments to occur. So if this is not irrational, then I think that maybe I think “irrationally.”
What worked a few weeks ago is when it was suggested that I Observe more, and say less. Be like Owl. “It is through our observing of such sequences that we can begin to say that some being “does this in order to achieve that.” (Bunnell)
I am not a linear thinker. I think based on gut feelings… hmmm… so if I’m not a linear thinker, I think linear thinkers are overwhelmed by me! When I take notes, I start in the centre of the page and I go out in a spiral… it is a line, and yet it is not straight!
“integrated in living
The poetic and the engineering look complement and support each other. We value the doctor, the teacher, the CEO who is able to appropriately focus on the local when needed, and to do so in a “holistic” or “integral” fashion that takes the whole “context” into account. ” Bunnell
I think I know, but then when I think of the whole Context, I think I am REALLY missing something… what do you think?
I am full-on, good luck with… me, Universe!